Went Outside 10-6-2024

Today was the first time that I have gone outside without it being church or another appointment since Spring awed planting. Sure, the summer was dog awful hot, but my being depressed didn't help things, either. 

I have a three year old toddler who loves being outdoors likely because she is not overheated by a water suit of her own fat. She wants to explore and she has every right to want to do that. 

I despise most outdoor things because I don't do well with them. I am anxious about sweating, anxious about being seen, and have had bad experiences in the past where every time I go outdoors in a setting where there is planned outdoor appreciation, my anxiety skyrockets and whether or not things turn out badly I feel like they do. And yes, they often turn out badly. 

For me, going outside just to deadhead flowers took a three year old bringing.me.my clothes, getting my shoes, and being patient as I tried to kill some time. Finally, when I got enough gumption to go outside we did and I was able to keep her nearby and to deadhead some flowers, pull up a dead flower patch, and my daughter was able to be outside, too. 

It was hot and while I wished for a seat I did what I could standing, sitting on my porch, and then standing again as sweat ran around and into my eyes. At least it wasn't hotter than 77 degrees F today.